Lost in Oklahoma

So yesterday was my wife Joan's birthday.  She turned 65.  Big year, retirement looming (probably not really for a while, but at least possible now in case she gets fed up) and of course a 5 year.  I have a thing in the afternoon but the plan is go go to the Roughriders ballpark and catch a game, have hotdogs and Cracker Jacks and ridiculous ice cream cookie sandwiches and that whole thing.  I even have advance tickets, for a change. (You can usually get last minute tickets, and even good seats, for the Roughriders.  But the games are lots of fun whether they win or not, it's very family friendly and nobody's an asshole, at least so far.)  

Well, it comes to be time to drive up there and we are not paying attention to the time and messing around with other things.  About the time of the second inning we figure out we aren't going to make it to the ballpark.  So we turn on the Rangers game and eat lasagna and I fell asleep on the couch (I do this a lot) and wake up around ten.  

I suggest we could drive north into Collin County to where it looks like the Metroplex is relatively clear of cloud cover and maybe see the Northern Lights, which are being spotted all over the world right now due to a geomagnetic storm.  Wild colors, too, like pink and purple, which are very rare.  (I spent part of my formative years in North Dakota in the summer, where we saw them often.)  So we pile into the Rav-4 and Joan takes out the address of John and Donaleigh, who live somewhere near Anna, Texas.  She isn't sure exactly where that is, just that it's really dark up there.  We plug it into the GPS.  Sirius Channel 26 is playing the Saturday Night Party Train, which is all new wave dance music and no DJs.  We set off, singing along to "One Night in Bangkok" and "You Were Always On My Mind."

The Dallas North Tollway winds north out of downtown and up into Collin County.  Much to our surprise, it then kind of ends, and becomes this two lane road.  So we're still going north but there are still clouds and it's raining a little, No sign of aurora. Joan says she remembers there's a Buc-cee's around here somewhere.  Doesn't look like any Northern Lights are in the offing.  So the new goal is find the Buc-cee's and buy lots of ridiculous treats like banana walnut fudge and hot and spicy Buc-cee's Nug-gees. 

Joan is sure there is a Buc-ee's on the way to John and Donaleigh's.  We just can't find it.  I finally get GPS to search for one and it shows up some 13 miles away.  We're on the wrong highway. Which is not surprising, the roads up there get weird.  I sort of think there's an interdimensional portal between the 75 and the Tollway.  So we wind down these increasingly dark and isolated rural roads and make jokes about how "Wrong Turn" started out just like this and will we run into a bear and stuff like that.  At one point we passed a sheriff's car sitting by the side of the road with its lights off.  We sort of pause at the intersection and wait for the officers to come over and search our vehicle for drugs and somehow "find" a baggie on the floorboards or something, but that doesn't happen so we drive on.  

Finally we come across Bloomdale Road.  I know that one, it goes through downtown McKinney.  I know that because the courthouse is on Bloomdale Road and I've sent them numerous packages.  So we turn that way and pretty soon we stumble over the 75 Freeway which is still a freeway, even way up there.  

We get on that and turn north.  I think.  Pretty soon Buc-cee's comes into view.  We park in the front spot, break out the Rollators and make a parade into the store.  It's pretty busy even at midnight on a Saturday.  We buy banana walnut fudge, Buc-cee's Nug-ees, a giant cinnamon roll, chocolate chip cookie dough and two sodas.  On the way out we run into a crowd of kids coming in from prom in their evening gowns and tuxedos. I'm sorry but kids in prom attire are just so cute.  I'm wanting to ask them if we can take pics but Joan kinda doesn't think that would be polite.  

We decide to head home.  Get back on the freeway, drive through Melissa and Anna and then Denison, Texas, which I've never heard of.  We pass Grayson College and we're both like, "Hey, we didn't know there was a college named after our cat" and debated whether our Grayson was an esteemed professor or Dean of Feline Studies.  We pass Texoma Hospital. What? Then we pass a sign that says "Oklahoma 4 miles."  And then we figure it out.  Apparently when I thought we were heading south on the 75 we were actually heading north and had been for about 20 minutes. 

So we turn around just shy of Oklahoma, which is good because I don't speak the language and carry no currency.  Then we see the Buc-cee's and we stop again because both of us need to pee by now.  Saturday Night Party Train is still on and there's a huge thunderstorm rolling across the Dallas area from the west to the east.  We see lightning strike the ground over and over as we get closer.  It doesn't start to rain on us again until we are almost home. An hour and ten minutes later.

We finally pull back in the driveway at 2:30 AM, just over 4 1/2 hours after we first left the house. "In a Big Country" comes on the radio just as we get there so we crank it up, sing along and make out in the front seat.  Then we step out into the rain and I have to just stand there for a sec, like I always do when I've been sitting for a long time, to get my knee speaking to me before we can walk inside.  I'm sitting here dripping wet, writing this and waiting for Eye Drop no. 2 to kick in so I can take Eye Drop No. 3 and go to bed.  

We never did see the Northern Lights.  But that's okay.