Namo amitabha Buddhaya, y'all.
This here's a religious establishment. Act respectable.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Stop Using These Phrases Immediately.

Don't argue with me, this is a matter of national security. We must ban these phrases from the lexicon or the entire nation will implode. The list of phrases to be banned immediately includes but is not limited to the following:

"From Wall Street to Main Street." Yes, I know the President said it, but he said it once. One time. The way you hear it crop up every time somebody talks about the subprime mortgage scares or potential banking reform, you'd think either one actually cared about the other one, or even weirder, it suggests that there are some individuals, hardy souls all, that travel between the two with all the fluidity of a stingray gliding through the depths. Stop using it. There are no such creatures. Can this phrase.

"Spill, Baby, Spill." It was funny the first hundred or so times somebody Twittered it. It stopped being funny about a nanosecond after eleven people died and most of the Gulf of Mexico turned into a giant greaseball. Besides, the perfect green energy policy that's going to solve all of our problems without creating new ones hasn't been invented yet. Unless and until you have the solution, can this phrase.

"People are our most important asset." Yeah. Tell everybody who's been looking for a job upside of a year the same thing. Can this phrase.

"At the end of the day." What in hell does this even mean? It's not the end of the day if it's the beginning of the day, and even if it's the end of the day, does that automatically mean that a problem is solved or a solution is at hand? I dunno. You don't, either. Can this phrase.

"Firestorm of controversy." Well, it's good to know that every controversy produces a firestorm. What about the ones that don't, though? What about the ones that just politely provoke chatter over teacups? I lived in San Diego once and I saw a firestorm or two, and when I did, there was no controversy whatsoever. The only objective was to get the hell out of the way immediately. So, enough already. Can this phrase.

"Clinging to life." I think most of us cling to life, don't you? I certainly do. I'm rather fond of my life. I don't know anyone who carries their life in a bag at arms' length, or just sort of lets it hang around taking up space. Can this phrase.

"Flurry of activity." You mean like snowing? I think of a flurry of activity as somebody having a seizure, myself. Can this phrase.

"Coalition government." Let's face it, all governments are coalitions. If they weren't we'd have a problem. People get elected, and then they have to find a way to work together. Unless you're in the U.S., of course, and then you have the coalition government and...

"The party of no." Yep, this one refers to the Republicans, but only this time around. Next coalition government it might be the Democrats traveling from Wall Street to Main Street while the economy clings to life and our most important asset chants, "Spill, baby, spill." Look, however well deserved it may be, it's been done to death. Can the phrase. Can "Done to death," for that matter, before somebody launches into a flurry of activity. And I'm hanging up my grammar police badge for the week, thankewverymuch.


Marcia Wall said...

Ditto a thousand times over!

Jen said...

Hi Marcia,

"Ditto" would have been a good one back in Rush Limbaugh's heyday, yes?

Jen, Better Dead Than Dittohead

JackieDoss said...

"At the end of the day" has LONG made me vomit in my mouth. Uh oh. Is "vomit in my mouth" an upcoming "can it" phrase? (Or an "upchucking can it" phrase?)