Yes, I know it's been a while since I've posted. I'd claim it's because the kitten's not sleeping through the night, but she is, finally. And how. She does this thing where she runs through the house at full tilt, chases a toy, pounces on one of the other cats (much to their displeasure, but that sure doesn't stop her), and tears around until suddenly she stops, just wherever she happens to be, keels over and falls asleep. It's pretty amazing. I mean, like 60 to zero in two seconds. Oh, and for the record, the kitten now has a name, which is Artemis. I think she knows it because her ears prick up when someone says it, but they also prick up when someone says "kitten" or "food" or "toy" or "treat."
No, mostly it's that there's only one thing anybody's allowed to write about right now. and I don't wanna write about it. So I'm not writing about anything. Well, except for the stuff that starts out, "COMES NOW Plaintiff GOODGUY and complains against Defendant WEASEL, as follows..." You probably think I'm talking about what went down in Orlando, but actually, I'm not. What went down in Orlando will be The Only Thing To Write About for another couple of days, maybe, but then everyone will lose interest, and we'll all go back to our collective digital cocoons, communicate only with people who think exactly the same way we do, and do absolutely nothing about it, just like we did with Fort Hood and Aurora and Virginia Tech and Columbine and San Bernardino and...
No, what I'm talking about is The Election.
Yeah. That Election.
Now, you have to remember here that I'm Not Supposed To Watch The News. I'm actually under doctor's orders not to watch the news and to stay away from Web sites like CNN and Huffington Post and Yahoo News. Why? Because Watching The News Upsets Me. If I go into my doctor's office and he asks me how I've been and I say I've been a little down, the first thing he wants to know is if I'm watching the news. And if I cop to maybe hanging around the Yahoo comments section longer than it takes to determine that it's an absolute sewer, he will get this very doctory sort of look, peer at me over his glasses and say, "Don't. Watch. The. News."
So, by definition, it would be hard to write about The Election, or anything else I know nothing about. Unfortunately, I do know a fair amount about The Election, and I didn't get it from watching the news, either. For example, I'm on Twitter (and you can follow me around at @jenstrikesagain if you ever feel like it). Plenty of people tweet about The News on Twitter. They may only say it in 140 characters, but that's really all you need; anything more is bombast and rhetoric. Plus, people talk about newsy things at the office. I've more or less got my colleagues convinced not to talk about bariatric surgery, but darned if I can get them to avoid chatter about The Election.
Anyway, I don't have to know a lot about The Election. I pretty much know what I need to know. There's a seasoned public servant who has been in several major national and international roles, and has done very well, up against--well, that other guy. You can probably guess who I'm voting for, even if it won't matter because my state is going with Ted Cruz (and never mind if he's actually still running). So I know what I need to know. And I'm not. Repeat not. Going to write. About. It.
So that's my story and you won't see it on The News. And since posts about The Election are both boring and depressing, I'm going to close out this blog post with a picture of Artemis, who has tripled in size in only three weeks.