Dear President-To-Be Obama:

Playing in the background: Jean-Michel Jarre, one of the Chronologies from "Hong Kong"
Meters swum today: 1700

Not that you ever listen to me, guy, but I gotta chime in on this "who should be my vice-president" thing. I mean, I'm sure you've thought about it, but now that only about five people hiding under a rock near Odessa still think Hillary Clinton could be the nominee, the whole choice thing is gonna be the next fierce debate. And I'm sure everybody, from your wife, your close friends and shrewd political advisers to ill-intentioned saboteurs from the national media and anonymous Buddhist bloggers in Dallas, has an opinion. All the same, here are my thoughts:

Not Hillary.

Don't get me wrong. I like the woman. I think she'd do a good job. I voted for her in the primary, even (sorry about that). But after the last few months, I'm positive she's the wrong choice. Why? Well, like I said in the several emails I sent to both of you roughly a year ago (do you ever read your email? You need a Blackberry, dude) voters don't take you seriously if you spend months slamming each other only to suddenly unite in a "dream ticket" as soon as one of you gets booted from serious contention. And yes, you were more of a gentleman about it than she was, but with all that fur flying through the air, none of us think you're capable of suddenly settling down on the couch and sleeping with your heads on each other's backs. (Pardon the cat metaphor.) Either we need to assume you were both lying all this time, or we need to assume that you're lying from this point forward. Gotta be honest with you, neither assumption is an attractive thing in a soon-to-be-saddled-with-every-problem-known-to-humankind world leader no matter who his sidekick turns out to be.

So having said that, here's my suggestion: Janet Napolitano. Yeah, I know she's a Republican and the governor of Arizona. She'd still be fabulous at it. She's tough, smart, a savvy politician and good at what she does. She's also totally cool. I used to know her when. And she's a lot better lookin' than John Edwards. And ol' Outgoing George didn't listen to me when I told him he should put her on the Supreme Court, so she's even available. Kind of.

Thems are my thoughts. Go forth and campaign. Oh, and incidentally, if you do end up picking Hillary, put her in charge of the national health plan. What? She's already done that? Great. She has experience.

Hey, if you want to know how oil from the Saudi wells (and other places) becomes gasoline that powers your car, you really need to go here and read this (thanks, David!) Once you get a look at how frick'n complex it is, you might have a little bit more insight into why gas prices are so high. There's gotta be thousands of people involved with the production of that stuff in your tank. Buy David's book, too, as long as you're there.