Blackberry Blitz

Meters swum today: 1900
Playing on the background TV "Audio Visions" channel: Suzanne Ciani

Anybody who doesn't think technology is vastly outstripping our ability to deal with it should have seen me trying to figure out my new Blackberry over the last few days. I was even smart and ordered the 8700g, an "old" model by most standards, with fewer features and gizmos and a nice QWERTY keyboard that I can thumb my way through. No Pearl or Curve for me, thanks, they're way too intimidating. The new arrival is small, blocky, kinda thick and cute in an ugly baby sort of way. It's also confusing as hell, though I'm sure I'll get to the let-three-weeks-go-by-and-you'll- forget-you-ever-had-a-Palm-Pilot phase eventually.

One of the first things I wanted to do was set up specialized ring tones for when my lawyers call. I've been using a snippet from the "Dallas" theme song for this. (When I worked for a certain attorney at a former job I used Elton John's "The Bitch Is Back.") According to the cute little manual they sent with this thing, I'm supposed to look for the browser icon on my home screen and click it once to register with T-Zones, whatever that means. Only issue, there's no "browser" icon. Well, maybe they hid it somewhere. Where, though? I mean, this thing isn't real big. After trying and failing for the better part of a day and a half, I finally called tech support.

Turns out my Blackberry didn't yet know it had been turned on. (Gee, that explains the smiling little home screen and the cute blinky lights.) This tech support guy wanted me to flip the Blackberry over, take off the back, and remove the battery, count to ten, and then stick it back in there. In other words, to make this thing work I had to waterboard it. "Do what I say or no more battery for you, little guy." Geez, I'd better cancel my Amnesty International membership right now.

Anyway, I did what I was told (for a change) and lo and behold, the little "browser" icon popped right up. I guess I scared it. Now I feel bad. I still haven't found the
"Dallas" ring tone, but I did find "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC. And the Darth Vader death march from "Star Wars," a cell phone essential. I think my lawyers are gonna get stuck with "Thunderstruck." Oh, and it's got the cutest little chimey chime for announcing the arrival of a message.

Because I'm a masochist, I'm now trying to import addresses from my Palm Pilot. Stay tuned, this should be fun.