...and I've been working really hard today and I shouldn't be taking any of this very serial, but would you people take a gander at this text from an actual honest to God legal petition I had to read this evening? Pertinent facts changed to protect the guilty and keep me from getting fired, naturally.
"Plaintiff slipped and fell on loose rocks outside Defendants’ premises. The rocks were from the rock garden that surrounded the building. There were no warning signs or other protective measures concerning the loose rocks in question. Ms.______ sustained severe personal injuries including a fractured ankle, torn ligaments in her knee, low back and hip pain, bruising, a serious whack to her dignity..."
RAMPAGING ROCKS!!! LOOSE ROCKS THREATENING PEOPLE ALL OVER TARRANT COUNTY!!! ESCAPING FROM ROCK GARDENS!! TROUNCING INADEQUATE WARNING SIGNS!! SLIPPING PAST INADEQUATE PROTECTIVE MEASURES!! MY GOD, IT'S THE HAPPENING AND IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!! WILL THE NATIONAL GUARD ARRIVE IN TIME?!
Seriously, doesn't this sound like a frick'n Doctor Who episode? I can see the teaser now. Innocent Londoner is walking up the street, minding her own business. Camera pans to a rock garden; scary music starts playing. As the innocent Londoner gets closer (gasp!) ONE OF THE ROCKS STARTS MOVING, rolls out of the rock garden past the protective measures, the innocent Londoner steps on it and down she goes! And--wait for it--ALL THE OTHER ROCKS IN THE ROCK GARDEN roll out past the inadequate warning signs, pounce on the innocent Londoner, her scream echoes upon the wind and--Cut to the opening sequence! A vortex, a blue box, David Tennant winging in to save the day...
Okay, I'm going to bed now. Quit shoving.